We’re not sure what’s more intriguing about George Swan: that his press release tells us he was ‘born in an unspecified swamp and raised by alligators’ or that his musical pseudonym is Big Dik Blak. Either way, we figured his lyrics might offer a hot take or two on those big life-shaped obstacles we’ve all encountered at some point or another. Without further ado, here’s an introduction to George Swan via some questionably advice.
George Swan – Claudette
He started out wanting to rule the world
He found out it was a little too large
So he thought, let’s just rule a really small part of it
Maybe start with this garage
What we learned: Donald Trump should’ve just pottered around in his garage.
George Swan – Connector’s In Your Mind
She’s a highway girl
She’s a highway muffin inside
What we learned: You really don’t know what’s going on inside a woman.
George Swan – Danger Zone
I got the blues so bad
My baby gone and left me for good
She took all of my money
Just like I knew she would
What we learned: Trust your instincts- women can be golddiggers.
George Swan – I’ve Got A Boyfriend
I’m Bruce’s wife she said to me
Nice to meet you
As she walked past it occurred to me
I don’t know any Bruces!
What we learned: Don’t believe everything they tell you. No-one is called Bruce anymore.
George Swan – Jellyfish
You said you got stung by one once before
The first time you saw one by the shore
The burn was so bad it made you cry
The vinegar helped, it made you smell like a cute little French Fry
What we learned: vinegar is an antidote for jellyfish stings and also a pheromone to some men (esp. George Swan).
George Swan – Morgue in E Minor
And as I stand there laughing molars falling from my mouth
They somehow sense my displeasure
What we learned: Dentists won’t be sympathetic if you haven’t looked after those pearly whites.
George Swan – No Past
Walk softly to the car
Pull it out of gear
It rolls slowly down the hill
I start it 200 yards away
What we learned: It’s important to put the handbrake on when you hill park.
George Swan – Sunset on Double Time
Where the river meets the ocean,
Where the ocean meets the sky
Where the fish journey ten thousand miles,
Then return to die, then return to die
What we learned: behind every Instagrammed sunset, there’s a lethal fish pilgrimage.
George Swan – Butterfly
I’m very tired, kinda sleepy
Oh yeah, you know what I’m talkin about
I need to drink about 10 cups of coffee just to wake up
So I can get back to you girl
So we making love all night long
What we learned: 10 cups of coffee is the optimum amount for love making.
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